Leadership is about leading people. It’s about people talking with each other, working together to make decisions and solve problems. To lead people, you need to communicate and develop relationships. Communication is about speaking and listening.

Stuck in an Elevator

At work, on an otherwise ordinary day, I got stuck in an elevator with a colleague. The initial chit chat turned into a deep conversation as we patiently waited for help to arrive.

I listened intently to all he said without saying much myself. He later confessed it changed the trajectory of his life. Why? He was able to finally put a voice to some things that had been on his mind and in his heart for a long time.

It’s easy to focus on the conversation when there are only two of you and no distractions. But the truth is that listening is hard work, it takes being intentional.

I remember another conversation when I was so distracted, I couldn’t even hear what the other person was saying.

Thoughts about what I needed to do and who I needed to talk with were swirling around in my mind making my comments and responses sound uncaring, mechanical or rote. I am certain they were received that way too. It saddens me that I couldn’t even focus for a few minutes on the person and conversation in front of me. What potential did we both miss? We will never know.

Be honest…isn’t that the norm in our hurried lives these days?

Why is it important to listen?

As a leader, you need to earn the respect and trust of those that follow you. You do that by developing relationships. And, relationships develop when there’s honest and personalized communication. Intentional conversations that happen over time.

When we listen well, it helps in a variety of ways. For example, you’re:

  • Able to understand someone’s perspective more completely
  • Open to new ideas or learn about challenges you weren’t aware of before
  • Giving the other person an opportunity to fully express their thoughts and feelings

Distractions

It’s often difficult to focus on the conversation. But when you stop and think about why, it becomes more obvious.

There is a huge discrepancy between the speed in which we speak and listen. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 – 175 words per minute but we can listen at a much higher rate, about 450 words per minute. (1)

What happens in that listening gap?

Our minds wander, we focus on ourselves and our problems, especially when we:

  • Receive hard news and our emotions rise
  • Lack interest in the topic being discussed or have difficulty understanding the concept
  • Feel tired, hungry or have low energy from a demanding schedule

3 Points to Listen Intentionally

Being a great listener is not a natural skill for most of us, but it can be learned. It requires engagement with your mind and your body. It’s mental and physical —that’s why it is sometimes referred to as active listening.

If you want people to perform and execute at a higher level, or to bring innovative ideas to you, here are three critical points to consider:

  1. Listen and use your extra brain capacity to think about the topic being discussed. Sometimes the knee jerk reaction is to immediately speak out. This is a time to think and hold your tongue. Let the other person continue to talk.
  2. As you actively listen, have an open mind and open heart to really hear what is being said. Show your full engagement with your body language and your eye contact. Also, listen to what’s not being said, it could reveal new insight.

This boils down to treating the other person with respect and appreciating the unique value they bring to the team. Slowing down and truly listening reveals new perspectives. You have to be willing to accept that there may be more than one way to look at a situation or challenge.

  1. Before you say or do anything, ask yourself, ‘what will this comment add to the conversation?’ Often when we prematurely speak out it’s to bring the focus back on us or our thoughts, our ideas, our ways of doing things. Keep the focus on the other person until you know that your comment adds to the conversation and moves it forward.

Another way to think about this is to ask yourself, what is your motive in sharing your thought or idea? This forces you to think more about the other person, their thoughts and feelings.

Remember you’re looking to develop trust and respect and that happens when you take your eyes off yourself. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Listening shows you care.  Let them vent or explain their ideas. Then, ask clarifying questions before you chime in with your ideas.

Taking it forward

The ideas shared here are simple in a way, yet require discipline. Developing your listening skills is a way to invest in other people that will reap rewards for you in the long run.

Which relationship do you need to invest in by listening more deeply?

1 Carver, Johnson, & Friedman, 1970